I won't make this one long, I promise. I just felt like jotting things down tonight. Emotionally I haven't been in a good place for two days. Aside of having midterms and getting sick, I've been running on a bad luck streak this week. But mostly my heart has been hurting from memories that have been emerging. And it's been building up a lot of anger and fear. Fear of never finding anyone else to love? No. That's the least of my worries at the moment. If I am meant to be with someone then it will happen. The fear is for not being alone anymore. And I know it's stupid. Everyone wants someone. And sometimes I do too. But I realize my life is way too hectic and busy for me to even give the time of day for a significant other. I'm exhausted and overworked, and on my day off all I want to do is sleep, or be with a friend or family member that I care for and cares back. But going on a date??? Dressing up??? Impressing someone. Pulling off a smile for more than 5 minutes??? I'm not ready for that yet. All that energy got drained from my last serious one which lasted for 4 years. And it's been almost 2 years and I still haven't revived an ounce. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the guy. I just need to give myself some attention before I can give it to someone else. So to all the friends and cousins and family and parents and uncles and aunts: please let me breathe. Don't push marriage onto me. Stop telling me that I'm reaching my prime when I'm only 21. Stop telling me that marriage is my main goal in life. Stop telling me that I need to do all that I can to satisfy a man. Before you ever say that to me again, ask me if I'm satisfied. If I'm happy. If I'm reaching my own goals as a single young woman. Let me be happy with me so that I can later be happy with someone else. :)
Thanks
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