Equality is the state of being equal. But what does it mean to be "equal"? Merriam-Webster defines equal as: like in quality, nature and status. Everyone could agree to this definition. Equality, in my eyes, is also balance, or reaching an equilibrium. If you've ever read the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, you know that some verses speak about existence and balance. He says something along the lines that everything has its opposite. Creation has destruction. Matter has antimatter. God has the devil. Light has darkness. Life has death. And so on and so forth. So the existence of one thing relies on the existence of the other. If one of them were to be destroyed, there would be an imbalance. I see this as how God has decided to create Man and Woman. We both are opposite in biology, but Men and Women rely on each other's existence to keep existing themselves. In other words, men need women and women need men. Fortunately, both sides can also agree on this logic. But when it comes to defining the reason of existence for each gender, I find fault in the definition. Man is the leader. He is to provide and work and fight and protect. Woman is the follower. She is to serve Man, breed and raise. Yes, most of us grew up thinking of this as true and right. We also thought that this might be our life as we grow up. But when it comes to valuing each gender and appreciating the work that they did or can do, there is a huge difference.
I'm not saying this is wrong. It's not wrong for a woman to want to a be a stay at home mom and housewife. If anything I appreciate a woman's decision for giving up her life for her family, because it is out of love. But if a woman wants to work after marriage and having kids, I also believe that women have the right to make that decision. In my parents' country (Lebanon in the Middle East), women have to obey their husband all the time, even if it is something that takes away their voice or freedom of choice. Women must obey anyways. I got into an argument with my family a few weeks ago. It involved talking about what would happen to me when I get married. My parents complain that I'm not gonna be a good housewife because I don't cook or clean. (Well duhhh especially when you work a 60 hr work week and go to school). And that will lead to the end of my marriage. And I answered back that my life won't revolve around me being the perfect Stepford wife(which is a good movie to see because it explains a bit of what I'm talking about). Yes, I will cook and clean and want to have kids, but I will also be working and pursuing my career. The shock on their faces was horrific. It's like I spitted out about committing a great sin. "You're going to work while you're married?? Why would you do that if your husband is giving you what you want? No no no. That is his decision whether he is ok with it or not. And if he says stay home you stay home." Knowing it was a battle I won't win with them, I let it go.
But other problems started to emerge about my mentality being very contradicting and straying away from faith. My opinion about this is that God didn't create women to be inferior. God's message to men is that women are valuable creatures as well, that need to be cared for and appreciated. Unfortunately what men don't see is that He meant women to be appreciated in all their work, even the work they were meant to do. All my life I have been an A average student. I've overachieved and outdone myself in so many ways. I've even skipped grades. So growing up I had a dream for myself. And knowing that in the 21st century it's not as easy for a woman to find a man whom she might marry, I've grown up having goals for myself that don't involve a man in my life, because he might not be there, and I won't be waiting around for him to show up. Even if he did and I lost him, I won't sit down and cry because I can't take care of my kids and might have to fight for child support which I might not get. I wanna be able to stand on my feet and not have to rely on others. No I will not go and live with my husband's family if he dies. No I will not live with my parents if I divorce. I have a brain that thinks and obtains knowledge and reason, which allows me to be able to survive in the world just like a man can. Middle Eastern society puts a lot of strain on women. They are not allowed to run for office on any level. They are not accepted as the highest in authority in a workplace. They cannot file for divorce and win without men taking away all that they legally own, or depriving them from their own children. And even after all has been taken away, women might not even get a court order for a divorce to be final. But men can divorce without the wife even knowing. He can marry more than one woman in some religions (which is an argument I will talk about in another blog because of how misunderstood and abused this rule is). And in some societies, can even make his wife sleep with him even if she doesn't want to, which I consider a form of rape because it is not consensual.
Women are allowed to have the same rights as man in society. They shouldn't be treated less inferior, or dumber. THey should be treated with respect. They should be seen and heard just like men are. They should have the right to make their own decisions about life, married or single. And women should not be forced into anything just because she is married and it's her "job" to satisfy a man when he wants.
And also to clarify to other people who think feminists are a little extreme. There are men out there too that respect what women go through, because it is not any easier than what men go through. And feminists do not hate men. We are not against men and think we should be rulers. We just want to be equal. We want to be treated with the same amount of respect men are treated. We want to be able to go to workplaces and not hear that someone turned down a job because a woman was the big boss. I myself, would love to not have customers be surprised seeing me as a manager when they ask for one, not only because I wear a scarf on my head (also another topic to talk about), but because I'm a woman and I'm not a "Real" manager.
Change is in order. Women and men should both be appreciated for their efforts and abilities. And even though we have come a long way thanks to Mary Wollstonecraft and Mary Shelley who have proven women are capable of learning and thinking and being as intelligent as men (Thanks Hugo for teaching me this!!), we still need to work on being equal. In quality, in nature and in status :)
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