Change

So I have a lot of promises to keep to myself, as well as to others. And although I've been through a lot in my life, I think it's about time that I have made a drastic change. So I guess starting this page and writing this blog will help me in starting this change. I have a lot to fix though, and it requires time and patience that I hope I have. I guess I should start with praying. Praying to God because He actually made my life better now than what it was a year ago. And I owe Him a lot of prayers. And I hope one day I could be forgiven for my sins and start over.
I have to change my life as well. What I mean is that I should change the daily routine I've been living in for years. Rolling out of bed and putting on what's in front of me, looking like a girl more unnoticeable than plain Jane, the lack of energy to do anything other than burying myself in work, not trying hard enough to go anywhere or be anyone. It's all something I grew into, and will be hard to grow out of. And I can't promise that it will happen now, but I will promise to try and keep the idea and will to get better.
If you're wondering why I decided to write this now and today, it's because I revisited some memories today, both good and bad. Those memories made me feel a mix of emotions and made me open up to a friend I've known for a bit but felt very comfortable with. I think it's one of those feelings you get when you know you can confide in someone and they won't judge or think something bad about you, and understand what you've been through because they've been through something too. But like me, they did not give up, which makes us all the more stronger. And seeing this friend's will to change and grow and become better triggered something in me, that I should have that will too. I need to grow and change and have this will, because even though life is more stable than it was last year, I shouldn't settle. I should take advantage of this comfort and improve. I need to keep my promises.
I'm hoping that I also obtain peace of mind in return. I want to get rid of the headaches and whining and annoyance of all things around me that I finally grew to not care about anymore. I want to stop hearing about problems that are not mine that family try to involve me in, when my father takes out his wife instead of helping me, how my mom thinks that if I get married I would be the reason why the marriage will fail, I just want it to stop. It gets old afterwards. And though the words have no influence on me, it's the volume and tone of the voices that cause a headache more than anything else.
And on another note I do hope to get rid of my writer's block one day. I miss writing the great ideas and plots and stories and fairytales that developed in my pretty little head. They were exciting, and gave me something to anticipate on finishing. So maybe one day that will come back to me. And music will have a bigger role in my life like it did before. It was  a passion I enjoyed, and theatre was like watching a dream, one similar to the one I saw tonight. As weird as this sounds I miss life, even though I'm in it. I miss the rush in my blood when the lights dim for the opening act. I miss the symphonic harmonies, both subtle and strong that captivated my heart and soul and stole my breath away. I miss sitting on the beach by myself just to clear my head and breathe in the freshest air. I miss laying down on the grass watching nature as it moved on around me, the trees soaking up the sun and the air brushing my skin. It's the simple things in life that make you notice how much life should be appreciated, because in the end nothing is more satisfying than living in pure simplicity. But that could just be me.
So I guess this is just a start. I don't think I will change the world, but I would love to help others change it. I don't want to be on the cover of magazines gloating my fame and glory and success. I want to be the editor, the publisher, the director, the man behind the camera. I wanna make a change, but I don't want to be the face or the name. I'll be the sidekick :)
I'll be posting every few days when possible, and let everyone know about my thoughts and ideas and experiences and beliefs, in hope to finally reach an epiphany in my life, which I believe I will reach. :)